American League Starters
1 – Wilson Ramos – TB
Good choice. Ramos has been indispensable to the Rays this season.
2 – Jose Abreu – CHW
Also a good choice. Abreu is the kind of player that could singlehandedly turn around a team, if Rick Hahn were to trade him.
3 – Jose Altuve – Houston
Altuve has just 9 home runs this year. Is he pressing to live up to MVP expectations? Probably, yeah.
Then again, Altuve is the leader of the defending World Series Champions, no thanks to Jeff Luhnow, Snobby Intellectual. All thanks to Ed Wade, Old School Dude.
4 – Jose Ramirez – Cleveland
Jose Ramirez is a fan of Mario Kart for Nintendo 64. On those grounds alone, he deserves an All Star nod.
N64 FTW.
5 – Manny Machado – Baltimore
Machado has had an excellent season amidst constant trade rumors. He deserves credit for that. Plus, his hair looks cool this season.
6 – Mookie Betts – Boston
Betts is overrated. He put up Super Stats with Ortiz in the lineup in 2016. Without Ortiz last year, his numbers took a big step back. Now, with Martinez in the lineup, his stats are back to his old form. Looks like he is a product of protection.
Still, he will have ample protection in the All Star Lineup with Judge, Trout, etc. Lots of leaders there to protect Mookie.
7 – Mike Trout – LAA
Trout is overrated. Slugging is 8/10 of what makes a player great. 1/10 is hitting for average. The other 1/10 is everything else. Trout is only the consensus best player in baseball because the “everything else” is way overrated.
Trout is the second best player in baseball.
8 – Aaron Judge – NYY
Judge is the best player in baseball. He hits home runs to The Moon. To The Moon, I say.
9 – J.D. Martinez – Boston
J.D. was a great signing by Old School Dude, Dave Dombroswki – that’s his official job title.
National League Starters
1 – Willson Contreras – CHC
Contreras is a first time All Star. Congratulations to him.
2 – Freddie Freeman – Atlanta
Freeman was putting up great numbers in the first half. Then, he went into a bad slump, as I predicted he would. His batting average dipped from .344 to .304, his obp from .435 to .396 and his slugging percentage from .590 to .525 in about three weeks. WEAK!
3 – Javier Baez – CHC
Baez is a great player. He plays the game with flair and passion. I like that. I depart from Old School Baseball on that, as a general rule.
When I saw Jurickson Profar get picked off of first base while showboating in the WBC last year, I was like “this is what happens when you showboat.”
Now, I realize that the story there was not about showboating. The story there was about Jurickson Profar, who has a poor makeup.
Javier Baez does stuff like that all the time. He doesn’t get picked off while doing it because he has a good makeup.
Makeup Matters.
4 – Nolan Arenado – Colorado
Arenado is the leader of the Rockies. The Rockies made a huge mistake giving Charlie Blackmon a contract extension and investing tons of $$ in relief pitching. Why? That reduces their chances of signing Arenado when he becomes a free agent after the 2019 season.
Arenado is a leader. He gets tons of RBIs year after year after year. Major Legit Dude Indicator.
Plus, he is a Super Defender. As I have said, defense is way overrated, but if you can play some defense while knocking in 140 RBIs, more power to you.
5 – Brandon Crawford – San Francisco
Crawford is way overrated. People are talking about him as though he’s an MVP candidate. Why? DEFENSE! LOL! What a joke!
Mike D’Antoni is wrong about most things, and he has a dreadful personality, but he gets one thing right – defense is totally irrelevant.
Brandon Crawford should not be an MVP candidate. He is, though, which says a lot about the state of thought amongst baseball intellectuals these days. It isn’t good.
6 – Nick Markakis – Atlanta
Nick Markakis is having a tremendous season in terms of Hair and Handsomeness, the two H’s of leadership. On those grounds alone, he deserves an All Star nod. On those grounds alone, he deserves to be a starting outfielder for the National League in the All Star Game.
7 – Bryce Harper – Washington
Bryce’s batting average is way down this year. He still has over 20 home runs though. Plus, his Hair and Handsomeness are amongst the most stunning in all of baseball.
Plus, the All Star Game is being played in Washington D.C., where Harper calls home, for now at least. It’s only fitting that he would be a starter for the National League All Stars this year.
Did I mention his Hair and Handsomeness?
8 – Matt Kemp – LAD
Prior to this season, I referred to Kemp as “the most underrated player in baseball.” This while The Intelligentsia was engaged in a vicious effort to tear Kemp down. They must be jealous of his AWESOMENESS.
Now, Kemp is a starter for the National League All Stars.
What now, Intelligentsia? What now?
Reserves/Pitchers
I have no problem with any of the selections except for two. Both involve relief pitching, which, I may have mentioned, is way overrated in this day and age.
1 – Joe Jimenez
Who?
Nicholas Castellanos should have been the All Star for the Detroit Tigers this season.
2 – Brad Hand
Brad Hand has been a huge drag on the San Diego Padres this season.
The Intelligentsia is saying “Hand is having a Super Season! He’s a Super Pitcher!”
He has a 2.91 ERA. He has 64 strikeouts in 43.1 innings. Super.
Here’s the thing. Hand is a closer. If there is one job in Major League Baseball for which situational pitching matters, it’s that of the closer.
Hand has blown FOUR saves this year. Already. And we haven’t even reached the All Star Break yet!
This guy is on pace for what? Ten blown saves this year? Help me out Stat people.
You can argue all you want that Hand is having a good season. You’ll be wrong, but you can make the argument if you want to look weak, which you will saying that a guy with four blown saves before the All Star Break is having a good season. WEAK!
That’s one thing. It’s another thing entirely to say that Hand should be an All Star with four blown saves. That is what is known as a joke.
SABRmetrics is a joke. The Intelligentsia is a joke.
Eric Hosmer should have been the All Star from the Padres. Remember what I said about Hair and Handsomeness?
On what grounds? Hair. Handsomeness. And he is going to lead his team to the NL West Division Title in the second half. For sure.
SABR Skeptic 
